You Are the Spiral, Not the Straight Line

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There was a time in my life when I believed healing looked like forward progress.

I thought if I was truly doing the work, I’d keep climbing higher, rising above my pain, away from the past, into some radiant version of my “highest self.” I craved clarity, direction, milestones. I looked for straight lines.

But Spirit had other plans.

My path has never moved in one direction. It has looped, paused, shattered, softened. Again and again, I have found myself circling back to old emotions, returning to grief I thought I’d outgrown, re-learning the same lessons, only this time with different eyes and a more open heart. Eventually, I understood:

I wasn’t broken, I was spiralling.

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The Myth of Linear Healing

We live in a world that tells us we must always be moving forward. That success is upward and that healing has a clear beginning and end. But real healing 'soul healing' doesn’t follow a timeline or a five-step plan. It’s not a staircase you climb, ticking boxes on the way to enlightenment.

It’s a spiral.

You will come back to the same places more than once. But each time, you arrive with new awareness. You revisit the pain, but from a deeper place. You feel the grief again, but this time you hold it with compassion instead of shame. You notice the pattern, and now you understand its root.

The spiral isn’t a setback, it’s the soul’s rhythm of integration.

Every return is not a failure, it’s an invitation to deepen.

My Spiral Has Never Been Straight

There have been seasons where I couldn’t function in the ways I thought I “should.” Seizures that left my body trembling and my mind fogged. Days where grief wrapped around me like a cloak. Years where I was simply surviving.

I’ve carried many identities, the professional, the queer, the survivor, the artist, the guide. I’ve been told I’m too much, too chaotic, too sensitive, too slow. And for a long time, I tried to outgrow those parts of me, to “heal past” them.

But I no longer see them as something to move beyond.

They are threads in the spiral. They are part of my becoming.

We are not here to move perfectly. We are here to remember ourselves, layer by layer, truth by truth.

What the Spiral Has Taught Me

The spiral has shown me that slow is sacred. That the parts of me I once tried to hide are the exact places Spirit speaks through. That falling apart is not something to fear, it’s part of the path.

This way of living requires grace. It asks us to stop performing healing and instead embody it. It reminds us that our softness is not weakness, but strength. It tells us that returning doesn’t mean we’re lost. It means we’re being offered another chance to truly integrate what we couldn’t hold before.

And it reminds me, every single time - that safety, not speed, is the foundation for real transformation.

A Reflection for Those Circling Back

If you’re finding yourself revisiting old wounds, or feeling like you’re “back where you started”, I want to gently offer this: You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not lost.

You are spiralling - deeper, truer, wiser.

The work you’ve done before wasn’t wasted. It built the spiral’s edge. Now, you’re simply ready to go further inward. This is not a repeat. It’s a return, with more awareness.

A Simple Ritual: Naming Your Spiral

If this resonates, here’s a soft practice to anchor where you are in your journey:

• Sit somewhere quiet. Place a hand on your heart.

• Breathe into your body until it feels safe enough to soften.

• Ask: “What am I spiralling through right now?”

  Let a word or image rise—grief, self-worth, identity, clarity.

  
  

• Then ask: “What am I bringing into this return?”

  Maybe it’s more compassion, deeper strength, or clarity.

  
  

You might want to place a small item, a shell, a stone, a flower on your altar to mark this spiral turn. Something that reminds you: you are in motion, even when it feels like you’re circling back.

From My Spiral to Yours

I used to think growth meant reaching higher. Now I know it means going deeper. There is no finish line. No perfect path. Just movement, remembrance, rhythm.

You don’t have to arrive to be worthy.

You don’t have to move quickly to be sacred.

You don’t have to be “better” to be loved.

Let the world chase straight lines.

You are the spiral.

And that is holy.

May you honour the place you are.

May you soften into the space between.

And may you trust the turning, again and again.

With spiralling grace,

Xoe | Xenia on Earth

Sacred Weaver | Sensory Soul | Keeper of the Spiral | Xenia on Earth